January 2011
2 posts
December 2010
10 posts
the worst part about christmas
ventisette:
is seeing people that you haven’t seen in a while and having to answer the same questions ten thousand times. HOW ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING THESE DAYS? WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL? STILL SINGLE?
Closely related to my grandmother doubting her livelihood by the time I *ever* got married. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Low Maintenance.
Lacey and I discussing my cleaning habits:
Me: “You’ve always been more motivated. I only clean when boys come over. Billy (work friend) and I have discussed joining Millionaire Matchmaker.”
Lacey: “I’ve thought of that. You have to have professional head shots though.”
Me: “What, I can’t get by on my general awesomeness/hilarity?”
Lacey:...
My mother just asked if I was self medicating because the whole anxiety crap came back this week.
I asked what she meant.
October 2010
2 posts
Affirmations.
I’ve always been told they ‘help’. Fuck that. Even if I took a dry erase marker to my mirror each day saying something ‘positive’ about being alone, I’d feel… oh, THE SAME. To go from serial monogamy and roommates for 10 years to complete solitude… oh it’s FUN. OH SO FUN. I feel so loved and wanted and needed.
Not.
Dictionary dot com'ing you.
flippant |ˈflipənt| adjective not showing a serious or respectful attitude : a flippant remark. DERIVATIVES flippancy |ˈflipənsē| |ˈflɪpənsi| noun flippantly |ˈflɪpəntli| adverb ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from flip 1 + -ant , perhaps on the pattern of heraldic terms such as couchant and rampant. Early senses included [nimble] and [talkative,] hence [playful,] giving rise to the current use...
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
3 posts
love this girl
Me, via text: He's hot I slept with him like 6 months ago, go for it. Big dix.
My mom: Hmmm...
Me: Oh. Meant to send that to Molly. Um. Well. How are the dogs?
My mom: They're good.
Me: Cool. Cool.
Living on my own
I thought I’d try to be a bit classier when going out to smoke now that I have to walk through public corridors. Nope. Still rocking mismatched pajamas. It’s just a grown up dorm, right?
Oh father.
My Dad at dinner tonight, complaining about an incompetent, younger worker: “Dipshit. 20-something’s think they know everything” Me: “durrr… I know. We’re all SOOO stupid.” Love ya Dad :)
June 2010
2 posts
May 2010
4 posts
Just another speedbump.
I am great. Now I just need to become great.
I want to thank all of those pouring out support for me. You know who you are and I am eternally grateful. I hope you know I’d return the favor at the drop of a hat.
October 2009
9 posts
On the subject of the "sexy" preface to EVERY...
gooneruk: sexy iphone
reallykatie: slide to unlock!
it's true, we should be professional awkward-sexy halloween costume designers
My life suddenly seems really banal.
Playboy Magazine: Mistake or not, what made you decide to go the rock-'n'-roll route?
Bob Dylan: Carelessness. I lost my one true love. I started drinking. The first thing I know, I'm in a card game. Then I'm in a crap game. I wake up in a pool hall. Then this big Mexican lady drags me off the table, takes me to Philadelphia. She leaves me alone in her house, and it burns down. I wind up in Phoenix. I get a job as a Chinaman. I start working in a dime store, and move in with a 13-year-old girl. Then this big Mexican lady from Philadelphia comes in and burns the house down. I go down to Dallas. I get a job as a "before" in a Charles Atlas "before and after" ad. I move in with a delivery boy who can cook fantastic chili and hot dogs. Then this 13-year-old girl from Phoenix comes and burns the house down. The delivery boy - he ain't so mild: He gives her the knife, and the next thing I know I'm in Omaha. It's so cold there, by this time I'm robbing my own bicycles and frying my own fish. I stumble onto some luck and get a job as a carburetor out at the hot-rod races every Thursday night. I move in with a high school teacher who also does a little plumbing on the side, who ain't much to look at, but who's built a special kind of refrigerator that can turn newspaper into lettuce. Everything's going good until that delivery boy shows up and tries to knife me. Needless to say, he burned the house down, and I hit the road. The first guy that picked me up asked me if I wanted to be a star. What could I say?
Playboy Magazine: And that's how you became a rock-'n'-roll singer?
Bob Dylan: No, that's how I got tuberculosis.
September 2009
9 posts
SNL
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve decided to land in the ocean, mmkay?”
Frenchy.
I started tutoring a new student in French today, at The Madeira School for Girls in Great Falls. Holy S is that place nice. What’s even nicer though, is that she has a full course load (boarding student) but signed up for an online French class because she loves French that much. She’s from the middle east and at age 14 after seeing her older sister move to the states, she asked her...
sade:
Leave it to TMZ to obtain the audio of...
August 2009
6 posts
A novel.
Was made fun of for my age by a younger guy lastnight. First time ever. This only provides material for my new novel: No Dinner at Outback with This Octogenarian.
Woods, viewing my blog for the first time and completely unfamiliar with what a blog is.
W: “What is this? Just a page to bitch?”
Me: “It’s called a blog.”
W: “You should have your own column.”
Me: “Aw, thank…”
W: “In your own newspaper.”
Things I hate about men.
In this jovial jaunt (yay alliteration!) through singledom, I’m finding more and more reasons to stay single.
1. I was walking through the corridor at work, coming back from the bank, and some dude just belched super loud and kept walking. You are gross.
2. If you’re going to ask me to dinner, do not let a conversation like this happen:
-Dude: “So maybe we can go to dinner one...
July 2009
13 posts
Watch
Alice in Wonderland obsession/countdown... →